A little bit of nothing really….

To Quote Britney: “oops, I did it again”. I promised myself that I would stop all the partying and late nights, but instead I went on a pub crawl and the next night I stayed up till 3ish… Why do I have absolutely no self control?

Just over two weeks until holidays. I cant wait, purely because I get to see my friends and family again, mostly my dog. Yeah, im counting down the days (18 fyi) and I said I would not do that, I would live in the moment… but Im bored of the moment… I want time to fly.

I have not taught for a month now and its become too natural… any one know of a man I can marry who will support me for life? hehe. I have a full week of doing nothing, again… its finals now, so they’re all writing tests. I have not been told that I wont be teaching, but they haven’t told me for the last month, so yeah… I assume.

The festival is on this week too, but only comes alive at night, so I haven’t seen the full thing yet… SO this king nari fest is a heritage festival, its beautiful, so many lights and flowers…. dancing and tons of stalls.They opened it with a giant parade which lasted about three hours. Then there was plays and shows etc. I avoided it because I hate watching the animals being ridden, literally just makes me cry, like on the spot I just burst out in tears. I Have had many a people casually walk away from me as I am wiping tears away from my eyes. hahahah.

On the bright side, the new shipment of teachers will be in next term and all the negative old teachers are leaving- yay. Not that they are bad people, gosh no… beautiful hearts but too much drama. So im so thankful for the upcoming change and new adventures.

Sadly, a few of my good mates will be leaving but if they are true, they will stay in touch. If not, they influenced my life, taught me a lesson and are continuing on their path… no hard feelings. 🙂 so that’s all for now… 🙂

xoxo

CODE BLUE… ITS GOING DOWN!

You know when a boy says all the right stuff to you… you walk away for a little while and when you return he’s grabbing some girls bum and she is kissing him…. yeah! STORY OF MY LIFE.

Surprisingly, I just laughed. I have become so used to people doing stuff that I’m morally opposed to.

I watch videos on FB and My heart beats super fast when I see an animal being featured because I know humans are evil and this animal is probably being hurt or about to be killed. (n 90% of the time I’m correct)

However, I have become heartless to humans… like I am not going to hurt them and I’m still going to try help as many as I can… duh!!! But I don’t feel much for Their well-being. I speak like I am not one of them… hahahah!!

Anyway, this is just a blog about my continuous disappointment in humans, in men and the fact that I may have given up on people changing.

So, not a positive one at all.

I DON’T LIKE THAT…. LETS ADD SOME POSITIVE STUFF, SHALL WE.

—Three weeks left of work, then a new adventure begins. super excited.

I am leaving Lopburi, moving an hour away to Ayutthaya. It will be a good change, new people and hopefully more teaching.

— I waxed, lol and now I have a red line on my upper lip cause it was shit wax and it ripped my skin. ( its funny, I look like Hitler)

— I’m finally toning up again, tired of jiggling… yay ,me! also, sweating is gross lol

— my besty is staying in Thailand… she was gonna move but is now staying to study… woHOO.

— FESTIVAL STARTS THIS WEEKEND… ill write about it next time.

—Get to see my doggy soon, so hyped.

—okay, that’s all folks!!!

Thailand is ummm…different.

I mentioned that Thailand wasn’t what I expected…. now to share what Thailand is like.

I have been blessed enough to travel a little bit and have noticed a few things about the thai way….

Thai time- yeah, since they are very relaxed people (wait till traffic) there is minimal rushing. They will arrive for meetings or lessons or school or lunch anywhere between 10 -45 minutes late and its OK. yup, no one gets cross and walks out. They apologise and life carries on.
Food arrives at different times so no waiting for all meals to arrive before dishing in… nope! You get your food and you start eating. The next plate may arrive in the next 5 minutes or like in half an hour…. its normal, no point in complaining.
You eat with a fork and spoon… goodbye Knifes. You will learn to cut up food with a spoon. A mate of mine can de-shell a prawn using a spoon and fork. Yup, first its odd eating with a spoon but now i cant think of how the food would fit on a fork…lol
If you think the car is going to pull in front of you, you are correct.– TRAFFIC IS A BITCH,. I used to get panic attacks when I knew I had to hit the streets. Bikes swerve in and out of traffic, up one ways and AROUND cars. Cars will just pull in front of you while you are driving at a safe speed and distance from the next vehicle…. Going past a stop street??- slow down cause signs mean very little here. Cops helps a tad. But also not really hahaha.
THAI WOMAN ARE THE SCARY ONES- yeeeah, submissive asian woman is not a thing here, these woman will rip you a new one. They are strong and independent. I LOVE IT just don’t get on their bad side, just turn and run.
Yes, they are sweet but not exactly hygienic…. Now I say this lightly as I have lots of Thai friends who are just great, however, a lot of people walking up the street or sitting at the shops will randomly spit, pick their nose, pat the dog and then eat their meal. Smoking and walking, eating, driving…. it’s a thing here. Not great as a non-smoker. mmmmmmm, some guy was cutting his toe nails on the train…. see what im saying. There are also a lot of homeless people, which breaks my heart because I want to help them.
Monks are everywhere, they are sweet and quiet and people will approach them in the streets and give them food offerings and proceed to bow and pray? I don’t actually know what they say to them but i see this a lot.
WHERE ARE THE POOLS? its bloody 34 degrees and I WANT TO SWIM…. but no, no one owns a pool, there are no pools around the town. Some hotels have and you can pay to go there. Houses don’t have pools….. it’s just not a thing.
Spirit houses– they have what I thought was a very elaborate post box, but alas it is a spirit house. To house spirits…. that simple. They leave food there and water with a straw ( no messing lipstick) and then light incense. It’s odd for me because its new but a very common activity here.
Plastic, plastic, plastic- They love plastic bags- I literally ordered a bottle of water, its got a plasic seal on it, they put it in a plastic bag and the put that into a bigger plastic bag. I got a plastic straw wrapped in plastic too. Its soooo much.
last one- the language barrier, I will say a word and they will repeat it. “Thats what I said” but with out an accent. Yeah…. I literally said “computer”and NO ONE knew what I was saying- eventually some one translated and said “compUtEER”( ACCENT) And like magic they all knew what I was on about. hahahaha Its different. Not bad, just different.

So there is just a few things about Thailand that are different for me…. still love it, still dont want to go back home or leave the country. Havent studied thai for a month now, but im getting by.

LEAVING MY COMFORT ZONE TO ENSURE CHANGE.

There is a certain amount of beauty in the comfort zone… its familiar, safe and well… predictable. Which, at times, is exactly what we need. It is however exactly what I was trying to escape when I packed my bags and travelled 10 hours away from home.

The first three months here were most definitely out of my comfort zone, new people, new places, new experiences and I was so happy. I have not felt that sense of freedom and excitement for a long time. However, everything has an expiry date and I began to settle again, I got used to my town, got used to my routine and got used to the people I saw every weekend.

yup, I have a new comfort zone. DAMMIT!! Even they way I approach new people has reverted back to my old, lame way. “hi, hehe… um, I gotta go”

I was thinking about all this one night when I desperately needed sleep. I decided right there and then to change this before I begin to build up walls again and become a social recluse.

I have had a wall up for MANY years, but I have worked on tearing it down BY MYSELF…. yup…. Only I can make myself happy… yes people can contribute to my happiness but they will not determine my state of mind. I learnt that the hard way, yay personal growth. 🙂 This took a few years and I’ve been wall-free for a few years now and its been amazing!!!!

ANYWAY…. I am still young (ish) and wild and free and intent of spending this time living the life i want to live… doing the things I want to do… no regrets.

That being said, I am going to make enemies, I already have made a few just by befriending different people…. will that stop me? HAHAHA no! I’m done pleasing everyone…. don’t get me wrong- I’m not going to go out and be a douche to you to make myself happy…. I still believe in being a good person and minimising hurt and suffering. But I will not sacrifice myself anymore to ensure someone else is happy.

UNLESS ITS AN ANIMAL- I WONT EVEN LIE.

So this is me publicly declaring my escape from the comfort zone that I have developed…. Change is going to happen- I am putting it out there.

That’s all she wrote!

Finding peace in weird moments

Now at the risk of sounding like kungfu panda I think I have discovered some inner peace. Things that would bother me soooo much back at home are now insignificant and actually make me laugh to think about how much power it had over me.

Okay, contextualise…….

So yesterday was my sperm donors birthday. Well, he was married to my mom and they had me in the conventional sense I guess, but he was not a dad to me, hence his nick name.

Moving forward, I wrote him off many years ago and have had people lecture me for days about forgiving and making peace. The thing is I have made peace and have forgiven him but that doesn’t mean I need to develop a relationship with him. This was years ago- why do always go on a tangent?

Soooooo, I have not wished him happy birthday for years, why should I? But yesterday as I looked at the date I remembered it was his birthday and I felt the conviction to text him… Nothing soppy or mean, just a simple “happy birthday”. Why not make someone feel appreciated, or loved, or special?

I just had so much peace in me that I felt like I wanted to do this. And that even if I did not get a reply I would be ok.

Thailand is doing what I wanted it to do, help me grow and be a better person. I have a long way to go, I know this but baby steps. Yay 🙂

What goes up must come down.

I have basically been reliving my early twenties, problem is my body doesn’t recover like it used to. NOPE! She is shouting at me constantly… “BITCH, IF YOU’RE TRYING TO KILL ME, I’LL KILL YOU FIRST”

Yup, these constant flu-like symptoms are getting worse by the day. Yet I continue to drink and stay up late.

The problem is, even though I feel like warmed up poo, I cant stop… well I don’t want to… I want to socialise, I want to stay up late and sing and dance and chat…. its what I stopped doing in SA cause I was over it, but now that im in a new country, new vibe- I wanna meet people and do these “young, stupid things”….

I just wish I felt better after the epic nights.

Any suggestions? 🙂

Best music of all time?

I have always relied on music… it makes me happy, calms me down, puts me to sleep, helps me study… and it got me thinking about the best music around. Very subjective to the listeners I guess, but what has society dubbed as the best tunes?

Thank you Google for making my random wonderings easier to answer…

1 Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen. …
2 Stairway to Heaven – Led Zeppelin. …
3 Imagine – John Lennon. …
4 Smells Like Teen Spirit – Nirvana. …
5 Hotel California – Eagles. …
6 One – Metallica. …
7 Comfortably Numb – Pink Floyd. …
8 Hey Jude – The Beatles.

100. “Umbrella” (Rihanna and Jay-Z) …
“Heart of Glass” (Blondie) …
“Another Brick in the Wall-Part II” (Pink Floyd) …
“Hey Jude” (The Beatles) …
“Candle in the Wind” (Elton John) …
“This Afternoon” (Nickelback) …
“Don’t Change” (INXS) …
“Breakaway” (Kelly Clarkson)

mmmmmm…. so did not really answer my question but i guess my question is super controversial.

I like them all, but would also add others….

each to their own right? 🙂

Still have my vindictive personality….oops!

When I was younger I always wanted what I couldn’t have and did what I was told not to do. ” You can have any book, but not comics” so I wanted the comics. ” Don’t touch the walls, you will make them dirty” so as I walked past I would graze the wall with a finger.

I thought it was a phase, a rebellious young gal going through hormonal changes

or something but alas, it never passed. Even in my 20’s ( goodness, I never thought I’d refer to my “younger days”) I would be told rules at work or get told to date certain types of guys to ensure I would be treated correctly… well that did NOT happen haha!!

Well, I thought that Thailand changed that, I became so calm here, I conformed to their rules and became determined to be a good person- UNTIL WE DO SHOOTERS!!

My obsessive need to have what I cant have kicks in and I become a vindictive brat! literately!!

so, as much as id like to disclose the happenings that resulted in such a vague blog, I still need time for things to settle, for people to forget ( please let something dramatic happen soon) and for me to accept that I need to control my self… 🙂

SO, I need to do a lot more meditating and stuff…. never to late to work on improving yourself, right?

Living for the weekend…

Have I fallen into routine again?

One of the reasons I left SA was because my life was on a loop. I had a routine and I never seemed to be able to get out of it.

In Thailand, everything was new and I became so adventurous. There was no routine because I was so unsure about everything, where to go, what to do…

However, now that I work daily from 7:45-4pm Monday to Friday, I have developed a tad routine–

7:40 –> rush to work, always late… why??

8:10–> go to Nooms for coffee and food.

11:00- come back for a class ( oh, you want to cancel my class, again? okay..)

11:10–> facebook till I hate people, bug Lithuanian friend, Thomas. Maybe go for another coffee

14:00–> come back to the office and then wait for teacher training.

15:00–> waiting for teacher training.. why is everyone avoiding eye contact?

15:30–> realise they are not going to attend class.

16:00–> pack up awkwardly, are they judging me?

16:10–> walk out the office and do a weird wave and bow to say bye.

16:30–> home and relieved… wait, whats for dinner?

17:00–> nooms? yeah, why not….

18:30–> movies in bed. shower first of course.

22:00–> bed time… well face book and instagram till I hate people more.

soooooo, really boring!

I now live for the weekends. Weekends I meet up with friends for drinks, we tour, we sing, we laugh, we travel…… I get that that is life… but I don’t want to be so bored during the week!!! I want to love every minute like I did the last three months.

Maybe its time for a country change?

Happy new year 2561

oooooh yes, I saw this and thought I was in the twilight zone. 2561.

Thailand uses two dates, 2561 and 2018. something about epochal dates or Buddhist calendars which are 543 years ahead of the Gregorian calendar I’m accustomed to.

Any way.

So new years here is a huge celebration; lanterns and fireworks, alcohol and dancing. Same as home. the difference is that they give gift to wish you a happy new year.

That’s new to me. So after my 7th gift I decided to go get books and pens and write A LITTLE NOTE to say happy happy. I feel so awkward when they thank me for the gifts. Its so small yet I receive HUGE smiles and lots of wai’s.

I don’t know if I got enough lol, but least I did what my mommy would have told me to do.

Thanks mom 🙂